So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
