You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
