Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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