I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize