Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
