I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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