She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it's like iHOP with fire
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Can I color on your dick again?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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