Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
