Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
