I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
