doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
