so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
