Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
