not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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