Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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