New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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