hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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