i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
