no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
