Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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