She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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