when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
