My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
