every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize