Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
