he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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