did you get engaged???
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
