I bet he comes in French.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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