nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
