I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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