Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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