i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
