My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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