John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
