Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Green mimosas i think yes
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize