You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
