I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Randomize
