my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
