I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
