In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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