When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize