i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
