Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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