he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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