Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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