why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize