Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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