So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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