The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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