When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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