Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
