I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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