I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
