he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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