Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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