i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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