Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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