I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
