stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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