Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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