He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
