Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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