my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Boobs speak an international language.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
