She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
