you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
