I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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