he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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