They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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