Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
