suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
