dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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