im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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