we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
