Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
