Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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