Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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