Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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