I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
