The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
