I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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