You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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