I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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