who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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