Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
