Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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