the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
