I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
They have beer where we have blood.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize