I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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