I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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