Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
