i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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