if you like me you must not know who I am
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
