that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
