Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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