he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize