She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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