i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize