Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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