very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
