his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
