worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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