So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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