office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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