A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I made him laugh his dick is mine
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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