everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
