I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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