Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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