my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
