Barsexuality is the new black.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
