you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
