My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
