Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
