My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
There are leaves in my underwear?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
