Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
