It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
