Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
