Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
